Moment of Truth

Bill Maher Sticks It To Christians (again)

I just caught the last minute of Real Time: With Bill Maher while on the road recently. I think what he had to say about “Christians” in this country was so spot-on that I downloaded the show’s podcast and am, here, transcribing his rant. His comments are in response to the celebration of the killing of Osama Bin Laden.
(note: Bill Maher openly celebrated, but then made comments about Christian hypocrisy on a previous episode).

If we learned anything from Pontius Pilate, it’s that our detractors often have shocking clarity about our plight.

Obviously this is meant to be funny, but some of these lines on their own are eerily poignant.

“If you’re a Christian who supports killing your enemies and torture, you have to come up with a new name for yourself….Capping thine enemy is not exactly what Jesus would do. It’s what Suge Knight would do.
Now, for almost 2,000 years Christians have been lawyering the Bible to try and figure out how ‘love thy neighbor’ can mean ‘hate thy neighbor’ and how ‘turn the other cheek’ can mean ‘screw you, I’m buying space lasers’. Martin Luther King gets to call himself a Christian, because he actually practiced loving his enemies. And Ghandi was so fucking Christian he was Hindu. But, if you rejoice in torture, revenge, and war you cannot say that you’re a follower of the guy that explicitly said ‘love your enemies’ and ‘do good to those who hate you’. The next line isn’t ‘and if that doesn’t work, send a titanium-fanged dog to rip his nuts off’.
Jesus lays that hippie stuff on pretty thick. He has lines like ‘do not repay evil with evil’ and ‘do not take revenge on someone who wrongs you’. Really, it’s in that book that you hold up when you scream at gay people.
And not to put too fine a point on it, but non-violence was kind of Jesus’ trademark, kind of his big thing. To not follow that part of it is like joining Greenpeace and hating whales. I mean, you know, there’s interpreting and then there’s just ignoring. It’s just ignoring if you’re for torture, as are more evangelical Christians than any other religion.
You’re supposed to look at that figure of Christ on the cross and think ‘how could a man suffer like that and forgive?’ not ‘Romans are pussies, he still has his eyes.’ If you go to a baptism and hold the baby under until he starts talking, you’re missing the message. Like, apparently, our president, who says he gets scripture every morning on his Blackberry. But who said on 60 minutes that anyone who would question that Bin Laden deserved assassination should quote ‘have their head examined’. Hey, Fox News, you missed a big headline: ‘Obama thinks Jesus is nuts’.
To which I say ‘hallelujah’ because my favorite new government program is surprising violent religious zealots in the middle of the night and shooting them in the face. Sorry Headstart, you’re number 2 now.
But, you see, I can say that because I’m a non-Christian…Just like most Christians. Hence, Christians, I’m sorry. I know you hate this and you want to square this circle, but you can’t. I’m not even judging you, I’m just saying logically, if you ignore every single thing Jesus commanded you to do, you’re not a Christian. You’re just auditing. You’re not Christ’s followers, you’re just fans. And if you believe the earth was given to you to kick ass on while gloating, you’re not really a Christian. You’re a Texan”

The ‘Rents

Recently my wife and I have been packing up copious amounts of our stuff in preparation to move a whopping 6 city blocks. This is always stressful, especially for Jenny, who becomes a fountainhead of anxiety when seeing all her things out of order and in cardboard boxes. samily

But seeing my wife fret, I wondered why I wasn’t. The answer is a bit embarrassing, but also heartening in a way.

The reason I’m not stressed is because tomorrow my parents are coming into town to help. I’ve spent my whole life trying to shed the “momma’s boy” image that I obtained through encountering over masculinized cousins and playmates, but when it comes down to it I couldn’t be happier that my inner child still has the privileged to think “Mom and Dad will make it alright”.

I know this could come off as “haha, I like my parents and you don’t”, but I really don’t mean it that way. As I look around at students, co-workers, and friends who are relegated to viewing their parents as a worry, burden, or non-sequiter I just have to encourage those whose parents fall into the “not so bad” category to rejoice.

It’s such a damn privledge to know that my parents are tripping over themselves to come help us move. To know that a real friend helps you move, and that my parents are real friends. They don’t expect anything of me nor I from them just because we’re blood. We have a real relationship based on earned respect (not assumed respect) and an ever changing dynamic as I grow up.

But for those who have a rocky or null relationship with there blood family, take heart! You’re family is who you make it. Reach out to a friend and make them your family, it’s got nothing to do with blood and everything to do with the way we treat one another. With all this Christian “Focus on the Family” blabber-mouthing about “family values” we’ve forgotten that Christ himself dissed his mom and siblings (Matt 12:46) and suggested that we choose our family. We are all family. Family values exist, not just within the blood relation, it’s the respect and willingness to “help move” that you have for your friends and associates.