An interesting write-up in Christian magazine Relevant about the emotional dangers of the prevalent Romantic Comedy genre and it’s effects on our perceptions of real relationships. In a world where divorce is the norm, those of us who think marriage is a good idea need to start looking for some answers.
Writer Joel NaSmith says this:
There’s certainly a war against the prevalence of visual pornography in many corners of our society—especially in the Christian culture. There is an attempt to expose pornography for its promotion of unrealistic sexual expectations and exploitation of human sexuality. And that attempt is a very necessary one.
But what about the unhealthy emotional and relational expectations portrayed in so much of our media? Is there really much of a difference in the hyperbolized sexual imagery of typical pornography and the hyperbolized momentary emotional high felt in a romance film or romantic comedy that sends us looking for a “love” that doesn’t exist?
I heard an interview on NPR with a female author named Elizabeth Gilbert. She was talking about the proliferation of the “Soul Mate Complex” in our modern culture and how the film Jerry Maguire served to reinforce it with the now illustrious line, “You complete me.”
I think this article takes a chip out of a major societal dam.
The presumably harmful aspect of pornography for the consumer* is the accumulation of unrealistic sexual expectations for their romantic and sexual partners, especially as it pertains to a long-term relationship. The same can be said for the consumer of the Rom Com. It works to generate unrealistic expectations in us about what a love relationship could and should be.
as an example from the article:
As a result, we’re taught to crave the moment of romantic ecstasy or to live for the wedding day. We’re raised to think these are the real stories of love and relationship, and we’re confused when they are so few and far between that we aren’t sustained. So we turn back to that which led us to believe in this fantasy all along. And we’re left with an old woman sitting alone, in her love seat, in front of the television watching her “stories.”
Kids eventually understand that pumpkins don’t turn to glass carriages and Fairy Godmothers don’t grant wishes, but many girls never grow out of the idea that one day they will be rescued from reality by some magic and a fictitious prince. And little boys never live up to the fantasy of the mind or that they’re supposed to be that prince and that their spouse is an all-fulfilling princess.
I think this idea has special connotations for the Christian church. We need to stop battling things like pornography based solely on some misguided sense of morality and righteousness and start battling the larger social epidemic; addiction to fantasy. The Ten Commandments don’t say “Though shalt not visit Suicide Girls”, it says “though shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife”. The warning here isn’t just about the base act of lust which occurs in an instant. The real affront is imagining yourself with something that isn’t yours, then eventually convincing yourself that you deserve that thing. That is covetous.
This is right at the heart of the issue. Watching “Twilight” or some porno isn’t the issue in and of itself, it’s the fact that those things eventually lead us to wish our wife had sex a certain way or to question our husband’s commitment because he’s never lied awake all night just to hear us breath.
*for the creator the side-effects can range from sex slavery to financial dependence on acts stemming from psychological disrepair. Also, pornography often has a connotation of dominance and objectification that can be FAR more dangerous than any Rom Com.
